Saturday, January 7, 2012

The Holidays and my Conundrum

one thing that is particularly bothersome to me in having children is how quickly time passes.  i love each stage of langston and edward's growth, and i find it so important to embrace / capture each day because they grow so so fast.
if life were that simple and i that perfect a mother, life would be grand; however, my faults bungle things up a bit especially as of late.
about 8 weeks ago we found i was pregnant.  beautiful news, right?  yes, we are very excited, but i (and let's not sugar coat this) abhor pregnancy.  i'm rotten, i know, it's a terrible thing to say;
BUT, i really don't think pregnancy was intended a cake walk.   Genesis 3:16  "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children."  i'm typically not the one to quote scripture, but this particular truth helps assuage my guilt, so allow me to include.  
don't misunderstand - babies and children are SUCH an enormous blessing (i'm kissing my buddy's face now), but the means in having such beautiful beings drive me into quite a terrible state.  the nausea, painful bloating, headaches, weight gain, loneliness (very lonely at age 35.  all other pregnant mothers are pushing 25), no (or very limited) libations, extreme fatigue...  should i go on?   "pain" and pain "greatly" increased indeed!  how do some women find joy in this?  

so, here lies my conundrum...  
the passing of each moment; my children getting older as the days tick by;  a glorious time of year to experience with my impressionable angels ... all of this and i am battling against an intense desire to fast forward life to july.  can i take a nice long nap only to wake up 8 months later???  
don't want to miss a moment, but want to miss 8 months of pregnancy angst.  can't have it all! 

well, i made it - we (family) made it - through the holiday season, and trimester one is coming to a close.  halleluia!!!!  I'm so thankful moments were captured in images because it's fun to look at the smiles of christmas.  my sour, pregnant mood wasn't contagious, and this fills me with immense joy!!!

  Mrs. Duberstein's Art Show
langston, our budding artist
with certificate in hand
Edward's Christmas Program 
i love this little guy.
little man in his oversized christmas best
sweet friends in boston gave edward this outfit last year
next year, buddy, it will fit perfectly

he discovers me
not sure what to think?

Life is Good with a Visit from Ella
libby, anderson, ella, mary harr, langston, knox, edward
and edward's out
and a Gingerbread House
even if only temporary
and the Traditional Angel Placement atop Bebe and Bobo's tree
very same angel i use to put on top of the tree.  not the prettiest angel, but this (like ours) captured the heart of the youngest girl in the house
sweet times
and much more to come...

1 comment:

  1. So sweet Lauren and Langston and Edward are just so adorable...You're way better than me with the blogging...and YES! Enjoy the next few months! I'm so happy for y'all...and, I just can't believe what Mrs. D does with these kiddos...amazing! We'll get the cookie playdate figured out soon...can't wait!